MISSION IMPOSSIBLE
by PomeloPomace
Summary: Deidara and Sasori discover Itachi's secret little hobby by a hate email sent from Sasuke. Now with Kisame teaming up with them, they're forming a team to help Mr. Psychopath get laid. Will they succeed? ItaxSasu, SasoxDei.


Mission Impossible

By PomeloPomace

Part 1 – The Beginning

Deidara was bored. It had been almost a week since their leader last contacted them. And now he was lying on his stomach in the room he shared with Sasori-danna who happened to not be there at the moment. Life was good when he had all the room to himself so that he didn't have to listen to Sasori-danna complaining about how his joints needed to be oiled.

Deidara didn't know where Sasori-danna was but since he knew Sasori-danna could look after himself just fine, Deidara decided to pass his boring time surfing the internet. (Yep, I've finally gotten myself my own laptop, un!) But even with his new beloved laptop, Deidara was still bored, very bored. Why was everything so boring? Where was their leader? Had he gotten himself killed and stuffed in some toilet already? (Maybe that's the reason why we haven't heard from him, un!)

Maybe Akatsuki Leader who was just a shadow with floating eyes was, maybe he wasn't but Deidara was having fun trying to think of so many situations why they hadn't heard from him yet. Just when he was about to get bored again, he noticed there was a new message in his inbox. Deidara's eyes lit up with anticipation. It had to be a message from the eyeball leader! Hopefully an exciting mission so that he could blow stuff up senseless without being beaten to a bloody pulp by Itachi. (No one wanna try Itachi-san's anger, I warn you, un!)

Sasori-danna, somewhat quite urged that his partner had been beaten by the other Akatsuki and not him (Danna can be kinda possessive sometimes, un!), always warned him not to mess with Itachi's temper. 'The Uchiha has a –really- serious problem with his temper. I saw him flood an ant nest with water glue and then burn down the entire place with Amaterasu just because some ants got to his favorite dango before him.' That was what Sasori-danna said and that was enough to make Deidara stay away from Itachi for a good two weeks. (That's considered the longest period in my record, un!)

'Itachi just needs to get laid.' That was what Setsu would say and Deidara didn't think much of that matter until he read the message he had got.

_Dear-I mean-hated brother_,

_Ha, I've found a way to contact you. I bet you must be surprise. There's this girl in the nearby village who informs me that she has got an internet friend called 'Akatsuki no Dei-dei' and she has gladly given me this address in exchange of a three hours date. Not that I care about the date anyway. This is the way I can get closer to you- I mean-kill you!_

_Just e-mailed this so that you can read it/hear it or whatever from this Dei-dei I'm mailing that I HATE YOU SO MUCH I WILL KILL YOU! DIE! SHI NE! DIE AND ROT IN HELL YOU INSANE FRIGGIN' SHIT OF A BROTHER! I HATE YOU! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! I LOVE- I mean-HATE YOU SO MUCH! _

_Always remember there're so many ways I can get to bedwith - urgh!I mean get toyou! I'll hunt you down, find you and then kill you and stuff your head in Naruto's toilet where you'll stink forever with ramen! Mwahahahahahaha! Die, Itachi, die! _

_I will kill you and avenge our -I mean-my clan, _

_The Avenger who will kill you eventually_

_P.S. Stop stealing my underwear! I know you did it! You freak! _

_P.S.S. I really mean it! You're sick!_

After reading that, Deidara's eyes immediately lit up. He knew it. He knew it because criminal or not he was still an artist and an artist always knew. Deidara clapped his hands together as he sighed dreamily.

"This is so much love, un!"

"What is so much love?" asked a plain voice.

Deidara snapped out of his daydream in which many, many roses that could explode into beautiful fireworks bloomed and looked toward the doorway. "Sasori-danna, you're back, un!" He said cheerfully.

Sasori eyed his partner wearily. Deidara didn't even ask him where he had been. (Hn. As if I care about that.) Sasori mentally snorted before walking closer to where Deidara was lying on with the laptop open in front of him. "What're you looking at?"

On hearing that, Deidara squealed, jumped and pulled Sasori down to sit beside him. "Ooh, danna, you've to look at this!" He said before clapping his hands together again, sighing dreamily. "Love is so beautiful. It's truly an art. Oh how one's love which blooms like red, red rose turns into so much hate. Change of feeling! Change of emotion! So abrupt and beautiful like an explosion! This is truly an art!"

Sasori scowled and hit his partner on the yellow head. "You're stupid. An art is something that can last forever and ever and ever. Not your ridiculous pieces of shit!"

Deidara rubbed his head where it hurt and whined. "Oh danna, could you keep that to yourself for once? I think we're already through this!"

"You two quarrel like a couple, Deidara, Sasori." Came a deep voice from the doorway.

"Oh hi, Kisame, didn't hear you're coming, un!" Deidara waved at the newcomer cheerfully, completely forgot that the shark-like man might not come to visit them alone.

Kisame shrugged. "I was bored. There's nothing to do so I think you two lovebirds might have some idea…"

Sasori wasn't as ignorant as his partner. "Is Itachi with you, too?" He asked.

Again Kisame shrugged. "He is and he isn't."

Sasori narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean?"

Kisame unclasped his big sword and laid it against the wall before finding himself a seat. Feeling Sasori's questioning gaze still on him, he went on. "Since your place's the closest to Otogakure, when we reached here, he left for his...personal business."

"Is it about his little brother?" Deidara chirped up happily.

Kisame stared at Deidara as if he had grown two heads. "Yes, but how did you know?" He asked slowly. And Kisame thought he was the one knowing of Itachi's weird behaviors, especially those involving his little brother…and his little brother's underwear.

Deidara grinned. "Come and look at this, un!"

TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 2


End file.
